suffering; one becoming another, separated-ness

No, it is not me, it is someone else who suffers.

I, I could not have suffered thus.

Anna Akhmatova

Suffering is the breaking up, a dispersion, of a “self”, a disintegration of the “I”. One becomes neither more nor less than “oneself”, but scattered-ness, otherness and others, separated from each other by a disbelief; the impossibility of believing the “event” that fractures, and the impossibility of believing that one is the sufferer: “No, it is not me, it is someone else who suffers”. There is an infinite disbelief in suffering. Disbelief is neither the loss of belief nor the disappearance of believing, but the splitting up of that which has never been one into dissipating, a going away in different directions, rendering the “I” an incessant going away, without ever returning or coming, and the difference in directions. The “I” becomes the place of a loss without becoming “itself” lost. The going away in different directions is the hollowing out of the “self”, but hollowing out is not rendering empty; it is the gatheredness of the “I”, scattered and separated by the difference in directions, into the space left by the going away of the “I”.

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